Oh, You’re a Nice Guy™? Good for You!

“How come all these girls always the date the dumb jocks but not me? I’m a nice guy!” – Me in high school

“How come all these girls always the date the dumb jocks but not me? I’m a nice guy!” – Me in high school

     Word on the street is that if you are a REALLY nice guy, and by nice guy I mean a “man” who feels entitled to dating a girl because he has been “nice” to her, a lot of girls will be SWARMING you! Wow! who knew? The first thing you should do is to be their friend first and bend over backwards for them; essentially, you’re their doormat. Now, here’s the catch, you aren’t doing favors for them because you are being a good friend, you just want to date her or sleep with her. This is foolproof, they’ll never figure it out! Now, after you’ve done all these favors for the desired amount of times, you can do one of two things: 1) You can say “hey you wanna hang out at my place? I got Netflix ;) or 2) “I think we should be more than friends, I can’t see myself without you blah blah blah.” Now, after she hears one of your propositions, she will say one of one things: “I think we should stay friends.”

     “What the hell?!” You interject, “After all the things I’ve done, you treat me like this? I’m a nice guy and I deserve to be [laid or in a relationship]!” Afterward, you start calling her a slut and or other strong choice words because you can’t handle rejection properly.

     “I’m sorry [insert masculine name here], but I’m seeing someone else right now.” She proclaims. You either walk away in defeat leaving her as nothing but a tally mark for your “rejected list”, continue staying friends with her in hope that she will change her mind (tune in for my next blog post, The Friendzone) or…you continue stalking her until you get a restraining order.

     I want all the men reading this to hear me out!

     Being. Nice. Doesn’t. Guarantee. You. Anything. Women. Owe. You. Nothing.

     This “nice guy” mentality is destructive for two reasons. First off, because you are assuming that you are entitled to sex or romance for the reason that you do favors for girls, or are just generally doing good deeds with ulterior motives is inherently sexist. It is toxic to generalize the fallacious trade-off that all women want closeness and that all men want sex. Secondly, you are also wallowing in your-own self-pity and is, therefore, destructive in the long run. Most often, “nice guys” are insecure, tend to be thin-skinned, are codependent and tend to be yes-men. Lacking confidence and or self-esteem are commonly the main causes of nice guy syndrome. But here’s the good thing about it all, it’s not permanent.

     You. Can. Still. Save. Yourself.

     Instead of focusing on external things like women, focus on you. Get thicker skin, hit the gym, value yourself above the girl(s) you are interested in. Stop complaining about how “girls always date douchebags and blah blah blah”, this is just a huge turn-off and a waste of time. If you are friends with a girl and you want to be more than friends, tell her! She can’t read your mind, and you can’t suppress your cravings of intimacy forever. If the worst thing she can tell you is “no” then it’s not the end of the world! But please, please don’t take it personally if you are rejected. You’ll save yourself years of heartache. It’s impossible to overcome Nice Guy Syndrome overnight, but don’t feel discouraged. Rome wasn’t built in one day, after all. But little by little and day by day you can be your own greatest cheerleader and have steadfast faith in your worth. Remember, the love of your life will always be staring at you in the mirror every morning.