Oh, You’re a Nice Guy™? Good for You!

“How come all these girls always the date the dumb jocks but not me? I’m a nice guy!” – Me in high school

“How come all these girls always the date the dumb jocks but not me? I’m a nice guy!” – Me in high school

     Word on the street is that if you are a REALLY nice guy, and by nice guy I mean a “man” who feels entitled to dating a girl because he has been “nice” to her, a lot of girls will be SWARMING you! Wow! who knew? The first thing you should do is to be their friend first and bend over backwards for them; essentially, you’re their doormat. Now, here’s the catch, you aren’t doing favors for them because you are being a good friend, you just want to date her or sleep with her. This is foolproof, they’ll never figure it out! Now, after you’ve done all these favors for the desired amount of times, you can do one of two things: 1) You can say “hey you wanna hang out at my place? I got Netflix ;) or 2) “I think we should be more than friends, I can’t see myself without you blah blah blah.” Now, after she hears one of your propositions, she will say one of one things: “I think we should stay friends.”

     “What the hell?!” You interject, “After all the things I’ve done, you treat me like this? I’m a nice guy and I deserve to be [laid or in a relationship]!” Afterward, you start calling her a slut and or other strong choice words because you can’t handle rejection properly.

     “I’m sorry [insert masculine name here], but I’m seeing someone else right now.” She proclaims. You either walk away in defeat leaving her as nothing but a tally mark for your “rejected list”, continue staying friends with her in hope that she will change her mind (tune in for my next blog post, The Friendzone) or…you continue stalking her until you get a restraining order.

     I want all the men reading this to hear me out!

     Being. Nice. Doesn’t. Guarantee. You. Anything. Women. Owe. You. Nothing.

     This “nice guy” mentality is destructive for two reasons. First off, because you are assuming that you are entitled to sex or romance for the reason that you do favors for girls, or are just generally doing good deeds with ulterior motives is inherently sexist. It is toxic to generalize the fallacious trade-off that all women want closeness and that all men want sex. Secondly, you are also wallowing in your-own self-pity and is, therefore, destructive in the long run. Most often, “nice guys” are insecure, tend to be thin-skinned, are codependent and tend to be yes-men. Lacking confidence and or self-esteem are commonly the main causes of nice guy syndrome. But here’s the good thing about it all, it’s not permanent.

     You. Can. Still. Save. Yourself.

     Instead of focusing on external things like women, focus on you. Get thicker skin, hit the gym, value yourself above the girl(s) you are interested in. Stop complaining about how “girls always date douchebags and blah blah blah”, this is just a huge turn-off and a waste of time. If you are friends with a girl and you want to be more than friends, tell her! She can’t read your mind, and you can’t suppress your cravings of intimacy forever. If the worst thing she can tell you is “no” then it’s not the end of the world! But please, please don’t take it personally if you are rejected. You’ll save yourself years of heartache. It’s impossible to overcome Nice Guy Syndrome overnight, but don’t feel discouraged. Rome wasn’t built in one day, after all. But little by little and day by day you can be your own greatest cheerleader and have steadfast faith in your worth. Remember, the love of your life will always be staring at you in the mirror every morning.

Why You Should Make Peace With Your Parents (Even If They Drive You Insane)

     Over the weekend on Saturday night, at around 3 in the morning after finishing watching American Beauty (amazing movie, go watch it), I couldn’t fall asleep. So, I looked through my bookshelf, find a book and read it until I got drowsy to the point that I would be able to fall asleep.  I came across a book that I haven’t recognized in over fourteen years; it was a book my mom used to read to me when I was a toddler. The book cover depicted a mischievous toddler in the bathroom holding a watch and, overall, causing trouble as shown by all the toilet paper draping the toilet in the background.  If you haven’t guessed it already, the book is called Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. If you don’t know what book I’m talking about, then you can read it here. To sum it up, the book tells the story of the relationship between a boy and his mother. As the boy grew older, he causes more stress and torment to his mother. The recurring theme in the book was that no matter how vexatious the boy was, his mother would always go to his room while he is asleep and cradle him while saying the following words:

“I'll love you forever,                                    
I'll like you for always, 
As long as I'm living, 
my baby you'll be.” 

     The final illustration in the book shows the boy, now grown up and with a family of his own, cradling his own child saying the same words his mother said to him when he was asleep, thus beginning a cycle.

      As a 20 year old college student, reading the last page was very tear-jerking, and for many reasons.

1.      It made me reminisce about how much of a handful I was with my parents growing up.

2.      It was nostalgic.

3.      The book was profound! The mother presumably dies later in the story as it is hinted that she was “old and sick” when her grown up son went to visit her as an adult.

     For me, the third reason was deep because of how real it was. There are times in my life that I have taken my parents for granted. Whether it was me getting tired of them saying “I love you” to me, or when I get greeted with a hug from my mom when I get home from school, or when they provide a roof on my head, or when I get the personal space I needed during something frivolous such as doing poorly in a track and field meet or not getting the LEGO set you wanted for Christmas.  It's the little things that turn into the bigger things.

      Don’t for granted the trivial things your parents would do day-to-day. Your parents won’t live forever. In fact, they aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow. Sometimes there might be days where you get in a fight with your mom or dad because you wanted to go to that rock concert or you wanted to go to your friend’s unsupervised party, but don’t hold a grudge with them. Learn to forgive and forget, and don’t forget to give your parents a hug every day because there WILL be a day when your parents will die. And if you weren’t on good terms with them when they died, it will come back to bedevil you. By then, you can only ever reflect on the past, with deep regret, and think to yourself,

If only I could have hugged them one more time.”

How To Be Happy

 

Put yourself first. 
You are the most important person in your life. Don't be afraid to be selfish and do thing just for yourself. Seclude yourself if need be, make yourself the priority. 

Be spontaneous. 
Do the one thing you've always been scared to do. Go on random adventure and leave your worries behind. 

Be grateful for your friends. 
Whether you have a large group or a few close peeps, thank God for them. There are so many smiles and memories that wouldn't exist without them. 

Spend time with your family. 
They are there for you day in and day out. Let them be your backbone and your rock when you feel you are not strong enough. 

Get healthy. 
Eat better, feel better, right? Change your diet and fitness plan, don't be afraid to go on another run or walk one more mile. You will thank yourself in the long run. 

Get right with God. 
Look to him in times of weakness and in times of success. Thank the Lord for every blessing in your life, all good things come through him. 

Smile. Listen to your favorite songs. Be with friends and family. Look to God. Mostly be Poland know that you are blessed. 

Guns Don't Kill People, Loneliness Kills People

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.
— F. Scott Fitzgerald

     Imagine being a freshman in college. You’ve been settled in for about a week now in your dorm. Your roommate seems like a good kid but your personalities and interests are different so you don’t see each other as more than just roommates. You’re surrounded by other peers in your housing complex, in the cafeteria and on campus. Going to the cafeteria is the worst especially if the individual booths or window seats are taken, so you have no choice but to scan the cafeteria for a table with the least number of people or a group of people that are…tolerable based on their appearance and demeanor. You approach the table and ask if you can sit at their table. When they acknowledge your presence you then sit down, introduce yourself, then eat your meal without saying much to the group you’re eating with. You then finish your meal, nonchalantly say goodbye and take your tray to the return station. Awkward, right?

   Loneliness is not necessarily about being alone. Instead, it is the perception of being alone and isolated that matters most. As a college student, you’re surrounded by your roommates or your peers or even the people you sit with, but if there is no interaction there then you can still feel alone. Loneliness can sometimes be caused by being physically isolated (I’m sure Yoda was lonely when he was in exile in Dagobah), divorce, constantly moving places (if your parents are in the military you might understand this) or even a symptom of a mental illness such as depression. Having low self-esteem can also be a reason for loneliness for some people because they often feel they aren’t worthy of attention. This can lead to them hiding in their shell and being alone.

Break Out the Carpet Squares It’s Story Time!

 The ARCC at Mount St. Mary's University in Emmitsburg, MD

 The ARCC at Mount St. Mary's University in Emmitsburg, MD

     When I transferred to Mount St Mary’s, I knew very well that I would had to start over socially. It also doesn’t help that I’m a commuter so I pretty much at my house on the weekends with the exception of me driving to my university’s athletic university (aka The ARCC), to work out. I feel like I’ve gotten to that point where I know the names and faces of people in my classes that I talk to but I don’t consider them friends, just classmates. It’s not that I didn’t want to be friends. I just don’t know how to make friends with people outside of a classroom setting. My best bet is to join some extra-curricular activity of some sort but I’m too busy to do anything aside from sleep, school and eating. Being half-way into the semester, I feel lonely at my new school, but also I feel like it’s my fault. Sometimes loneliness isn’t caused by forces out of our control. I ponder at night: maybe I just have poor time management and I do have time to make new friends or maybe I just have poor social skills and I just don’t have the guts to talk to reach out to people. What’s the point in getting a college education if I can’t also have the friends to join me in my journey?

Final Thoughts?

     Do what you enjoy and look for others to enjoy it with. For me I enjoy playing soccer, I plan on joining an intramural soccer team (the next challenge is finding a team to join) in the next week or so. I can guarantee you that there are people out there fighting the same battle as you are. There are people out there that think about you, even care about you.

You. Are. Not. Alone.

Why You Should Forget Everything You Know about Overthinking

Why You Should Forget Everything You Know About Overthinking

 

If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”
— Bruce Lee

      There are things in life that can make us feel cemented. There are things in life that can make us feel trapped in a box where we just can’t break free. And sometimes there are things in life that make us unsure of what to do. Is the next step I’m taking the correct approach or the incorrect approach?

     For me that thing in life is writing code. As a computer science student, I am expected to do programming assignments in my computer science classes. For me, personally, the biggest struggle with coding is where to start. I’ll be staring at my screen deciding my first move, but I am not doing anything that will help me progress when I do that. It’s just like playing chess with an opponent and you take over an hour deciding your first move! Sounds counterproductive, right? You can either move one of the pawns or one of the knights and then adapt to the playing field depending on how your opponent is controlling his pieces.

     Overthinking is a burden on one’s mental health. Maybe you have anxiety and it has become a catalyst for your overthinking. Or maybe you just keep second-guessing yourself due to a lack of confidence. Although you are deep in thought, you are not taking any action towards what you are thinking about. And this doesn’t have to apply to struggles in the present time, overthinking about things you said or did in the past are just as common. For example, have ever had that moment where you are messaging one of your matches on Tinder and you guys are hitting it off well, but then your confidence goes through the roof and you have the guts to tell them that pineapple should belong on pizza and then…your Tinder match stops responding to you?

     Yeah, me neither ;)

     Instead of thinking about what can go wrong, think about what can go right. Overthinking can be caused by fear. Focusing on all the negative things that MIGHT happen can easily shut you down. In upcoming scenarios, try to visualize things that can go right and keep those thoughts present. Try not to let past failures make you fearful. Just because something didn’t work out before doesn’t always mean that will be the same outcome EVERYTIME; every opportunity is a clean slate.

Started: Overcoming Overthinking Without Even Overthinking

     Here’s some real-life practice that you can do to help curb your overthinking habits. Learn to become more decisive. Whenever you are at a fast food restaurant, set a short time limit for you to make your decision. If you have a vast knowledge of that Panera Bread menu for example, give yourself 30 seconds to decide. Otherwise, you get 60 seconds if it’s your first time eating there. Once time expires and you’re the next person to order, place that order like it’s no one’s business and STICK WITH IT. No take backsies! Once you’ve gotten that down, move on to bigger things like deciding when you will start your project for a class or when you will start going to the gym. Let me know how this quest is going for you guys in the comments section. May the gods watch over your battles, friend.

 

     

Don't let the Kardashians tell you who to be.

For most, their sense of self- worth lies at the root of almost everything that happens in their lives. It affects the way we relate to others and ourselves. In the name of feeling worthy we will often betray our values and ourselves. We often gage our self-worth by the amount of likes we get on social media or the compliments others pay us. Most moments of feeling valuable are derived externally, from other peoples’ praise rather than an innate understanding of our own significance. We find our value in being the center of attention and compliments. I remember in high school feeling if a girl was prettier than me then it automatically made me less attractive or less valuable. Why in the world did I let my peers and society tell me how to feel?!

I may date myself here but I remember a college night three years ago, sitting on the couch scrolling through Instagram when suddenly I became very confused. There was a picture a girl posted of her outfit and the hashtag was #OOTD. I spent a good hour trying to figure out what that meant (Outfit of the day for you old timers). All I could think was did she make that up?!

The next week I saw this hash tag everywhere. Like all of a sudden it had blown up and everyone everywhere knew about it. Fast forward to a couple of days ago and I’m sitting here again, on my couch (don’t judge me) looking up waist trainers to get that synched Kardashian look. I swear I was dead set on buying one because I just knew if I had a smaller waist I would look so much better. One website review popped up explaining that these waist trainers can literally kill you by smooshing your organs! SMOOSHING YOUR ORGANS. This caused me to take a long look at myself. I was about to potentially cause myself pain at the thought that I could have a Kardashian waist!

It’s so sad to think that society can tell me to wear a full arm of silly bands and I’d do it. They could tell me to start talking about a petty thirteen year old who disrespects her mother and I’ll do it. They can tell me to love record players and I’ll run out and buy one (guilty)! We need to stop letting society become the compass of our sense of value. Let’s find our value in other things. Let’s be good, honest, and loving people and let that be where we derive our sense of self-worth. For me, personally I find my self-worth in the fact that before I was born Christ died for me.

Jesus Brings Life

JESUS BRINGS LIFE

 

 

 

When morning came, all the chief priests and the elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put him to death. And they bound him and led him away and delivered him over to Pilate the governor.
(Matthew 27:1-2)

WHEN THE CROWDS MOVE

It is incredible how the religious leaders had such pull in the city that they not only convinced the crowds to condemn Jesus, but they also got the Roman authorities to do so. Maybe the crowds were won over for a handful of reasons; maybe the masses did not like what Jesus was saying either. Their view of who the Messiah was supposed to be was not matching up with Jesus. Or perhaps they just listened to whatever the religious leaders would say. Regardless, when these verses say they, it is talking about a large group of people that wanted one thing: Jesus to die.

They bound him.

They led him away.

They delivered him over.

This was for the purpose of putting him to death. The crowds moved, and they plotted to take Jesus to the cross, which meant death.

WHEN JESUS HAS OTHER PLANS

He was bound, led away, and delivered over. Jesus was on his way to die. The people plotted to murder him. But Jesus had other plans. This was not going to end in death.

While the people bound him, Jesus was preparing to conquer death.

While the crowds led him away, Jesus was leading them to his Kingdom.

While the masses delivered him over to die, Jesus was delivering those he loved to himself.

While the crowds moved in order bring death, Jesus moved in order to give eternal life.

 

THE GOSPEL

The 'gospel' is a word meaning 'good news.' Jesus went around telling people about this good news. Christians, following his example, also spread this gospel.

Put plainly: the gospel is that Jesus came to offer us life through a relationship with God.

This offered relationship is something God did. It is the best thing we can know. And I am more blessed than I can even begin to articulate, because I know this gospel.

 

Original Post Here »

Loving Someone Who Lost

Loving Someone Who Lost

The tips & guide for loving someone who has lost. 

The Christian Response to Homosexuality

I am a Christian in a changing world. There are things that once were not accepted in society that are now being welcomed in and that can be hard for Christians. I have spent my whole life in the church and I can honestly say that I have never once heard a sermon on homosexuality and rarely studied what the Bible said about it on my own. All I knew about this topic was that I was being told two different things: 1. Being gay is a sin and we should oppose all who are for it or involved in it and 2. As a Christian you are called to love others like Christ loves. Dosomething.org shares that 42% of people who are LGBT report living in an unwelcoming environment and 80% of gay and lesbian youth report severe social isolation 1. Needles to say I am left with an uneasy sense and no direction. How do we welcome and show love to the LGBT community.

So what does the Bible say about homosexuality?

·        This story in Genesis 19 is probably the most popular passage used to condemn homosexuality. Here is a quick summary:

"God sends two angels disguised as men into the City of Sodom where the men of Sodom threatened to rape them. The angels blind the men, and God destroys the city. 

 

·        Leviticus 18:22

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.

 

·        1 Corinthians 6:9

Or do you not know that the unrighteous2 will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: xneither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality

 

Without going over every single scripture there are six scriptures found in the Bible that condemn homosexuality. While many Christians will use these scriptures to argue their point or write on a protest sign, there is a command that trumps all of these scriptures….to LOVE ONE ANOTHER.  The bible uses the word love 310 times between the old and new testament. So what does the Bible say about loving one another?

·        Matthew 22:37-39 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

 

·        John 13:34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

 

·        Romans 12:10 “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

 

So what should our response as a Christian be to the LGBT community?

The answer is simply and clearly laid out for us in the Bible: Love. God loved us so much that He gave us the supreme example and so “We love him, because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19), not that we loved Him first.  He loved us so much that He willingly gave His one and only unique Son to die for us so that we might have eternal  life (John 3:16-17). God died for you and he died for your gay neighbor. We are not only called to love others but to lay down our life for them the way God laid down his life for us. I thank God every time I remember that he did not call me to be a Jr. Holy spirit and that my job is not to convict others. That means I don’t have to argue with the LGBT community or join a hate protest. We are simply called to love. Let's let love break through the barriers.

 

 

References

(42% LGBTQ Community Unwelcome).   

CHRISTIAN: A PURSUIT, NOT JUST A BELIEF

I'm learning that being a Christian is less of just a belief and more of a constant following. Christ-follower. 

"Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." - Timothy 6:12 

Notice how Paul describes the life of a Christian as a FIGHT.  How many fights do you fight passively?! The Christian life is a constant battle. Being a Christian is a consistent pursuit of Jesus.

There is a life God has called us to, a life full of all that is good,        and because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we are now LIVING that life. So be intentional! Grasp it! Have ownership of the life God has given you through the cross!

-and do so through community. You confessed your faith in Christ in public, and so you should seek Christ with others as well. Church is key. Coal doesn't remain hot unless it is surrounded by other hot coals... Be active in a community of believers, and let others see your passionate following after Jesus.

APPLICATION

 Our lives aren't lived passively, purposeless, or alone. God has given us life in Christ. So seek Jesus actively, on purpose, and alongside other believers.

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You're a Christian? Who cares?

You’re a Christian? So what?

I have grown up in the church, have gone to a Christian high school, and am currently at a Christian University. I have seen the good of the church and also the bad. Most of what I have witnessed has left a bad taste in my mouth. Don’t get me wrong though, there is a whole lot of good in the Church and nothing but good intentions (most of the time).

The Christian Church, who prides itself on being a loving organization, is still struggling to show the World that it can do so.

Of course it would be stupid of anyone to ignore the fact that each year, the Church as a whole is estimated to spend 170 Billion dollars in charitable donations. These costs go towards schools and universities, charity, hospitals, and to many other public and private sectors.

The Christian Church does a lot for the World. Why then is the Church looked at as a negative thing in society? The answer can be found in the way the Church looks down on its own members and even more so on so called “sinners”. Especially in cases when one disagrees with the views of the majority of members.

People within the organization of the “Holy” Church continue to deny any mention of something being wrong with it as a whole. I quote the word Holy because the Church believes it is to be set apart, blessed, and watched over by God. None of these things are wrong to believe, but it is ironic that there also exists a calling to set others apart as special and loved by God and a calling to be a blessing.

When your calling is to love and treat others fairly, yet you do not do it, can you still hold onto the title of “Holy”?

One such problem arises from a certain sect of Christianity that uses words such as deplorable and perversion to describe those who are homosexual. Does this convey holiness to others, or hatred?

In the same scriptures I have used and the Church has used there exists a verse that sheds light on this subject. James 2:18 says, “But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.”

Does this verse not say something profound that has been missing from a lot of churches? I think it does.

Of course, as said before, the church does do a lot for the community and for the people in the buildings on Sundays. Yet when it comes to appearing as followers of Christ, a very loving and open man, the Church seems look more convicting and labeling instead of loving and caring.

If you are a Christian, what can you do to change this? How can you be actively loving others? Actually do something and do not throw around ideas or ideologies without backing them up.

If you are not and have been negatively affected by the Church, I am truly sorry and hope that you believe me when I say that not every Christian sucks.

This may have been semi-vague, but I hope to dive further into this in my time writing.

 

"The Transition Stage"

Prologue

Holy blogging, Batman! I’ve actually never written a blog before, so bear with me here. A dear friend of mine from Michigan planned to start up a site that will be able to “provide content that fosters thoughtful dialogue and expose others to a variety of ideas, experiences, and real-life-stories.” And thus, tuttl.co was born. For my current and future posts, I will close them will a “started:___” section. This was inspired by me when I was playing hundreds of hours of Skyrim; when you get a new quest it would have the “started:___” in the title. In that section I will propose a challenge for my readers, as well as for myself, to achieve for that week. We’re in this together, internet.

Introduction

Ever since I’ve transferred to my new college this semester I’ve felt like I’ve been stuck in the “transition stage”. And when I say “transition stage” I’m metaphorically referring to the pupa stage of the butterfly life cycle when a fully grown caterpillar waits to break out of its chrysalis and become a butterfly. In this blog, as well as my future blogs, I plan to write about these recurring themes: What can I do to better myself as an introverted college student? What are some goals I can set for myself that can help me better my social skills? And finally, how have I improved as a result of my experiences?

Transferring colleges can be a landmark decision in one’s life; the previous college you attended may have been a miserable experience, but the new college you transfer to may be the most ever-changing experience in your lifetime. When I decided that I was going to transfer to Mount St. Mary’s (for reasons unrelated to the theme of this blog) my parents kept telling me “you’re still going to encounter unlikable people at your new school”, “there’s going to be fake people everywhere” or “it’s going to be harder to make friends as a transfer student”. I’ve come to the conclusion that my parents were right. However, although it’s harder to make friends as a transfer student (and also a commuter student, mind you), it’s definitely not impossible. The simplest thing you can do is to be friendly and try not to come off as standoffish. Smile. Make eye contact. Chin up. Be ready to take on the world head on.

Started: Baby Steps

Whenever you are at work or school or just in a public place in general do you ever have that occasion where you walk past someone and just look straight ahead or try not to make eye contact with them and just keep looking straight ahead? I’ll admit I HATE making eye contact with passersby as it just gives me anxiety and I have always thought staring at people was impolite. You know, maybe I’m overanalyzing. Are there actually people out there that will be creeped out if you made eye-contact with them as you walked by? Probably not, I bet they don’t really care too much as they have other things they themselves are focusing on. My challenge for you this week is to try to make eye contact with a stranger as you walk by them. Think about every person you pass by as another “XP” added to your “eye contact skill”, reach for level 100! Let me know how this quest is going for you guys in the comment section. Talos guide you!